External boundaries are your physical limits.  They help you protect your physical space and your body.  Your external boundaries dictate how close you let others get to you, as well as, how you want to be touched and by whom.  While external boundaries are not tangible, most people are aware of their physical boundaries when someone gets too close to them.  Think back to a time when you were talking to someone who kept moving in closer and closer to you.  At what point did you begin to feel uncomfortable?  That is when your physical boundary was violated.

External boundaries also include the limits you set for your possessions.  You may allow a close friend to borrow your car, but if a stranger asked to borrow your car you would say no.  You have the right to set limits on who gets to use your belongings and how they are used.

Weak external boundaries make it difficult to understand where your physical space ends and another’s begins.  You may believe that others have the right to touch you anytime and in any way.  Weak external boundaries may lead you to believe that what is yours is also everyone else’s. 

Rigid external boundaries prevent you from getting physically close to anyone.  You may feel uncomfortable hugging or touching anyone, including your family.  Rigid external boundaries can help keep out unwanted and harmful physical contact; unfortunately, you also miss out on the pleasure of healthy contact.

Healthy external boundaries are durable yet yielding.  You control the space that you need.  You adjust your boundaries as needed; letting friends and family in closer than strangers.  When you have healthy external boundaries you understand that it is always your right to choose how, when, and by whom you will be touched.  You will defend your space and your body if someone violates your boundaries.  You also understand that you have the right to decide who can use your possessions and how they will be used.

Next week we will look at internal boundaries.

Create a great week!

Kirsten

This entry was posted by Kirsten Harrell on January 14th, 2008 under Spirit and Inspiration with keywords .

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