Internal boundaries are a little more difficult to grasp, but they are every bit as important as physical boundaries.  Internal boundaries help you distinguish yourself as a unique individual with unique thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires.  Your internal boundaries set the tone for how others treat you. 

If your internal boundaries are too permeable or too weak you will have a hard time distinguishing your needs and desires from other’s needs and desires.  You may feel responsible for other people’s feelings and believe that they are responsible for your feelings.  Relationships can then become enmeshed.  Enmeshment is when a person in a relationship feels the need to think and feel the same way as the other person and thus, loses their unique identity.

Internal boundaries that are too rigid create great distance in relationships and interfere with intimacy.  If you have rigid internal boundaries you likely have trouble getting close to anyone and may shut out those around you.  You may appear cold and distant. 

Healthy internal boundaries require that you take responsibility for your emotions, thoughts, and attitudes.  You are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings and they are not responsible for yours.   If you have healthy boundaries, you know yourself well enough to understand your feelings, needs, desires, and emotions.  You ask for what you need and defend yourself against those who attempt to violate your boundaries.  You know how you want to be treated and you communicate that to others.  You can adjust your boundaries based on the situation and what is right for you. 

Now that you have a better understanding of external and internal boundaries, next week I will share 4 steps to help you create healthy boundaries.

Create a great week!

Kirsten

This entry was posted by Kirsten Harrell on January 21st, 2008 under Spirit and Inspiration with keywords .

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